For the past few weeks I've been participating in a seminar called Beyond Fitness. For me, it's been the structure I needed to get myself back in the game and focused. I'm still participating in Biggest Winners at BDHQ and love that program, it holds me accountable. The seminar is broader than that though, we are looking at really creating the bigger why. Not the same old eat better and workout, heck most people aren't even in the seminar trying to lose weight, this is really about what are you creating for you life that is bigger than fitness and would have you take the actions to stay healthy. I've been grappling with this for awhile and have been going through the motions of going to the gym, eating better, trying harder, and seeing some results but the overall experience is still the same and the results minimal...this is hard work!

There I was yesterday, my alarm goes off at 7:30 after having a restless night with Abi who is teething and I decide to go back to sleep and not go to Biggest Winners. 8:15 rolls around and I can't sleep because I'm thinking about how I should have just gotten up and gone even though I was so tired. Have you ever had those moments of regret, or make wrong, and then the rest of your day follows suite? I could see this playing out for the whole day and after a little sulking and a push from John I got myself in my car heading for Esquimalt Rec. As I pull into the parking lot, which i've been in many times before, I see the under construction signs and how far the playground has come and I realize my WHY. I imagine the park being finished and Abi being her energetic self one year from now wanting to run around and play and realize if I don't do something NOW I won't be the Mom I promised her I would be. She is my why, being an example for our miracle is why I am doing this. Yes i want to feel better and fit in smaller clothes and have my fitness back, but what I really want is to be able to keep up with Abi and be an example of what's possible. In a recent group talk I was in on empowering mothers the presenter said, spend as much time on yourself as you do on other people, your kids are watching. I want Abi to group up loving herself first, taking care of herself, and being healthy, she wont have access to learning this if I'm not this for myself.

Now I am "under construction" building every day the pieces of a whole hearted, strong and loving mom. Right now I am the possibility of trust and love, I have everything I need to be the example for Abi every day. I'm grateful for my community who is rooting me on.


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